Lost.

I lost a friend today. They didn't die, but I feel like a small part of me did. I'm really going to miss this person as I have really grown to love them over the years. But what is love? Is there more than one kind of love? How can you tell the difference? I believe there are many different types of love and you can show these different types in many different ways. I am sad that I lost my friend today, all because I cannot show them the love they crave and deserve. The reason I am sad is because deep down I knew this day would come, so it didn't exactly come as a shock but it is still sad nonetheless and it still doesn't make the fact that this person is gone hurt any less. I think on some level I've always known that I was going to lose this person, I just wasn't sure when. From the start the feelings were not mutual, but overtime as our friendship grew, my feelings for this person changed as well. I started to see this person as someone I could not imagine not having in my life because of the bond that we created, but It was never enough to change the type of love I showed this person. Unfortunately for this person my feelings never evolved past friendship, unfortunately for me this means that I have to find a new friend who will understand me inside and out regardless of whether or not I say anything or not. If you have ever had the opportunity to connect with someone on a level where they truly do know you inside and out based solely on intuition and details that they pick up, then you have known a friendship that is deeper than most. I am thankful for having gotten the chance to experience this kind of friendship, but sad that it had to come to an end.

So I guess this is goodbye. Goodbye my friend.

Hum de dum

Today's question of the day...

What gets you excited about life?

A lot of things get me excited about life, life is good. I get really excited about unique opportunities, and fun experiences. I also get really excited when I get the opportunity to share experiences with people who are infectious and have a positive outlook. I like to surround myself with happy, positive people because they in turn make me happy and feel good about life. I love the refreshing feeling you get after hanging out with somebody who has such a positive outlook and who is passionate or excited about something.

That is all....

I'm going to go to sleep now and dream about how much fun I'm going to have this weekend on my much needed/anticipated mini vacation.

Wheat thins sun dried tomato basil crackers FTW!

Random title but that's all I've got for this evening.

Today's thought provoking question of the day...

What's the most sensible thing you've ever heard someone say?

A good friend once told me this...and I'm going to mess this up no matter how I say it because nobody is nearly as articulate as this particular friend is when it comes to passing along wisdom, but here goes..When you're trying to make yourself happy there's always going to be someone you're not going to make happy; you have to worry about whats best for you. I used to beat myself up a lot when it would come to breaking up with somebody or doing something that I wanted to do that would make me happy. This wise friend told me that life is too short to worry about whether or not you're making somebody else unhappy, you have to do what is best for you. I realize this sounds a little selfish but its a really important lesson that I had to learn. It only hurts for a minute and you cant beat yourself up for wanting to be happy, so why should you be sad for getting what you want? I've learned to be with this now, and I feel like I do a better job of getting to the point, being honest about feelings, needs, and talking about what I really want.

This friend has also made me a better person by helping to teach me how to live in the moment. The phrase "be where you are" is something I try to live by everyday. The only thing I have to do at that very moment is to be where I am and do what I'm doing. Often times we get too far ahead of ourselves and don't stop to think about the moment we are in and whether or not we are fully experiencing it as we should. I try very hard on a daily basis to be where I am. I feel like life is really about the little things and literally stopping to enjoy the moment. When I was mountain biking the other day the trail had the most amazing wildflower smell to it. As I was riding along on the bumpy trail, the only thing going through my head was how great the air smelled, how much fun I was having and how happy I was to be there. Being in that moment was all that mattered to me and I'm so thankful I got to experience it.

Ohhh you're a sneaky one Google!!

After many failed attempts at posting new entries I finally figured out what was wrong. The people at Google being the sneaky internet gypsies that they are, have finally figured out a way to get me to download their infamous Google Chrome. Rat Bastards!! Who knew? Not this girl, but alright...Ill play your games Google, for now.....or until I decide that blogging is overrated and nobody really reads blogs anymore, or do they??

Here is my answer to today's thought provoking question.

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

Oh boy, I compare myself to a lot of people actually, but I only measure myself against myself. Ok, that sounds silly but really it makes complete sense in my head. Of course I compare myself to other people but I don't measure my happiness, success, or self worth to them because that's not very realistic. I am who I am, I am not anyone else but me and I like that. I think Judy Garland said it best, "It's better to be a first-rate version of yourself than a second-rate version of somebody else."

365 Challenge? Whaaat?!

Ok, so I think I might be a little bit crazy. I was surfing the interweb the other day for thought provoking questions to use during training with my new student activities team for use during a get to know you activity. My search efforts proved to be fruitful and I ended up stumbling upon a great little site that started to make the wheels in my melon move. Here's the site....check it out. On the site it has 365 thought provoking questions; essentially one for every day of the year. The author did such a great job coming up with out of the box questions that I felt the need to consider blogging about these questions, and possibly...*gasp* dare I say it, answer a different question every day..? Nooo, thats just crazy talk because lets be honest here people, I dont have the time to blog every single day which is why Im so far behind on my lovely little "to blog" list, let alone take the time to think about answering a "thought provoking question" on top of all of the other cool shit I do. But....for you, I think I will give it a try, just for shits and giggles because you know I'll do anything for entertainment. Forgive me if at the end of the week I end up answering 5-7 questions but I'm going to give it a try even if it means playing catch up...and just like a new years resolution, if in two months from now I have ceased to continue answering these questions well... just chalk it up to the fact that its the American way. I really like the idea of having to think a little bit more about things in my life, not sure why I feel the need but whatever I dont always have to make sense. So here it goes....

First question...

When was the last time you tried something new?

-Today actually; I went mountain biking up in Capital Forest. It was great, and my bike got a good beating from the trail. I had never been biking up there before so it was a pretty sweet new experience for me. Currently, my sit bones are all colors of the rainbow, or at least they feel that way, which makes sitting here blogging slightly uncomfortable. I blame all of the bumps, stumps and the lack of my diaper like gel cycling shorts.

Chatty Kathy

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say but don't quite know how to say it? One would think that because I have a blog I should be able to come right out and say whats going up upstairs right? Its easy, you're just supposed to think, and type, or maybe if you are like me you just type and think later...but that would be a negative, there is too much! There is too much stuff swimming around in my brain ship that I'm not quite sure how to process it. So today, for a short time in my life I just don't know what to say. Oddly enough, I am ok with it, a little frustrated but ok with it, maybe tomorrow I will try to talk and will have better luck.

Move bitch, get out the way!!

Dear Western Washington Drivers,
I have a bone to pick with you in regards to your driving skills, or lack there of. I just wanted to tell you that you suck at driving, and I do not. I don't know where you learned how to operate a vehicle but seriously you are really starting to irritate me and test my patience. As a commuter I am constantly reminded every day about the apparent lack of skill it takes to now pass the drivers test. I'm thinking I should be the one writing and administering the test, which personally would help out our public transportation system considerably since, well, there would be a lot fewer people allowed on the roads. If I were to be an instructor I think it would cut down on a lot of confusion. The first confusion being how to properly merge onto the freeway. Its not that hard, but I find that many WW drivers do not know how to merge, therefore creating a pointless backup on freeway on ramps. I understand you might be a little nervous about the other cars speeding towards you, and that you only have a limited amount of space to get up to their speed, but let me just tell you, your gas pedal will make your car go faster if you push your foot down on it. Try it sometime, that way those of us who are stuck behind your slow ass wont have to wait so long to get up to speed. Here's another tip when merging do us all a favor and use your blinker. *sigh*
Blinkers...They put them on cars for a reason, if you need to change directions or lanes this is when you use this little blinking light that will tell other drivers that you are doing something other than continuing in a straight line. No it is not just for decoration, and yes you should be using it. Think of it this way, if you use your blinker I wont use my finger. If you see that somebody is using their blinker and wants to get over, let them. It is not going to make your trip any longer and it is common courtesy. These are not your roads, you need to share them. Those of you that insist on driving very large road hogs of vehicles, need to understand that just because you are bigger does not mean that you own the road and are entitled to drive like the douche that you are. Really if you're truck is lifted and a 10 year old could walk under it without having to duck down, you're compensating for something and are a douche. Don't argue, you are what you are, you cant help it, and your car isn't helping you, we know. Larger vehicles are not entitled to cut people off and use the excuse, oh I couldn't see you, well that's because you didn't bother to check your blind spots. The bigger the car, the bigger the blind spots, as the driver of a commuter car you really piss me the hell off when you insist on cutting me off just because I'm smaller than you. I can see you, would it hurt for you to look at me, its all part of the job of being a responsible driver. My next pet peeve has to do with people who drive really expensive, over the top nice cars. I understand you have money (or a nice hefty bank loan) but that does not mean that just because your car is nicer, more expensive, trendier, does more cool things and farts sparkles doesn't mean that you own the road either. When you bought your car they didn't give you a "drive however the hell you want" card just because you dropped enough money on a car that could feed a starving country for a year. You got a car, not a right to be an asshole driver pass. Just because your car is pretty doesn't mean it cant be wrecked and that those of use with average cars wont hit you. You are not Danica Patrick and are not entitled to drive a million miles an hour just because you can, or because you feel like it.
Lets talk about the speed limit for a second. I believe that the speed limit is there for people who are driving whilst distracted. As a driver who has on occasion (almost everyday) driven whilst distracted I have found that it is a safe speed to go if you need to apply makeup, talk on the phone, change your ipod, drink a coffee, or eat a bowl of cereal on your way to work. (don't judge me, I'm a commuter!) I also understand that when you drive the speed limit you should not, and I repeat you should not be driving in the left hand lane, or the one next to it. It is not for you, it's for people who are in a hurry, or for people who are tired of driving behind your slow ass and would like to pass you. That my friends is what the left hand lane is for, its for passing! Its not for parking, which is what you are doing when you decide to drive the speed limit in the left hand lane. You know what is a good thing, cruise control, its amazing and as a commuter I often use it. What really irritates me is when somebody passes me and then gets in front of me and then I have to adjust my cruise control or pass them because the retard decided that they didn't want to be behind me and drive faster but wanted to be in front of me so they could drive slower, my speed didn't change, yours did. Don't make me mess up my flow!!
When it comes to parking, nothing is more irritating than somebody who thinks that because there is a line there they get to park on it. Well, actually, the line if for parking between and it would be really nice if you left an equal amount of space on both sides for the other drivers who would also like to park here later. Too nice?? Park straight you fucktard and leave enough room for the rest of us!! I will admit, I have been known to park diagonal or semi sideways on occasion but that usually only happens when the spaces are giant and are large enough to fit a semi. It's my spot I can park in it however I want, but you wont see me doing that in a normal sized spot or god forbid a compact car spot. Ooooh, compact car spots, these are for compact cars, not SUVS, trucks, minivans or tractors or for people who think their car can "fit" thus forcing them to exit through the back end of the car because they couldnt get the doors open. These spots are for those of us that have smaller cars and can fit into smaller spaces, it's a benefit of owning a smaller car, there are special spots for you that big cars cannot fit in.
Lets talk about roundabouts, I know they look weird, and I realize they can be confusing for you if you aren't used to using them but I promise they are a good thing. Here is a very helpful hint for those of you that are not used to driving in roundabouts, and its free...today only. Look at the signs!! They are not stop signs, if they wanted you to stop they would have put in a stop sign or a traffic light, which is why they put in yield signs. Those signs are there to keep people moving so that traffic slows down but doesn't create a backup like a stop sign or a light would do. They are easy to use, you just slow down a bit and hop on in behind the person in front of you, signal when you are done riding the carousel, and exit and go on your merry way. Easy, I swear! You do not have to stop and then wait a million years for the roundabout to be clear of any cars, that's really not how they work, and if you cant figure it out then maybe you shouldn't be driving.
The second to last thing I would like to say to my fellow Western Washington drivers is that it rains in Washington. If you haven't noticed by now then maybe you shouldn't be driving in the first place. You know what is awesome about cars is that they have these things called windshield wipers, and guess what! They wipe away the rain! Want to hear a good idea? USE THEM!!! They are there for a reason, they are not there so that you can hit your breaks and slow down to the speed of a child riding a big wheel just because you cant see, if you used your wipers like any normal person would you wouldn't create giant backups on the freeway because it rains a little.
Last pet peeve before I let you go so you can go place an add for your car on Craigslist because you just realized you probably shouldn't be driving anymore...Is for people who have road rage. Road rage is annoying, I understand you think you are a good driver, but the person in the car who just wronged you because they weren't being a courteous, responsible driver doesn't care!! They don't care, and cannot hear you yelling at them so its a waste of energy. Now I'm not saying I'm Polly perfect and don't get irritated at other drivers, I just blogged about irritations for shit sakes but I understand that I cannot change the world and make other drivers as good as me by yelling at them or getting angry. I can however, post a blog and hope that some douchy drivers read it and get rid of their car because they realize they aren't doing society a favor and should be using public transportation instead.
Do us all a favor, if you aren't up to the challenge of say driving responsibly then maybe you shouldn't be driving.
Sincerely,
Cranky Commuter

Coffee want vs need

The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup? Negative. The best part of waking up is hitting the snooze button 5 times before you look at the clock and panic, because unless you can manage to get everything done in 20 minutes, face it- you're going to be late! They don't tell you that in the commercials, instead they try to convince you to buy some shitty ass coffee that will put hair on your chest because its really meant for old men who have lost all of the tastebuds on their tongue. I'm all for a good cup of morning joe, in fact I am a big fan of coffee. But let's be honest here, coffee is only as good as the shit you put in it. I'm talkin candy coffee, heavily laced with milk, some caramel and enough syrup to spike your blood sugar for the next hour and a half before you crash harder than amy winehouses career after last weeks shitteous performance. Yeah, that's the stuff! I enjoy coffee because it does a nice job perking me up but that's just an added bonus. The real reason I drink the shit is because its delicious and it makes me feel calm for the brief time that I am allowed to drink it. For me coffee is about the experience. Its about savoring the rich flavors, the warmth of the drink, the aromatics escaping your cup and the feeling of serenity that you get when you take your first sip. Coffee is comforting, its like your favorite fluffy blanket on a cold day, or a good hug. As much as I appreciate the side effects of feeling perkier after a good latte I hate the jittery part. I hate the feeling of being jittery, and wired beyond control..apparently that happens with caffeine sensitive people, they get wired off of one cup of joe. Ok so what's the point of this blog? Well..this is me and I don't really have one. I was simply sitting in my office which I like to refer to as the batcave, waiting for my coworker to hurry up and get here so we could march on down to the belly of the beast and get a nice warm cup of poo producing coffee. Did I mention that? Coffee makes you poo, which is why I'm convinced that old people are so regular with their morning poo, because their cup of tar or folgers as the commercials call it has made them that way. Only, she got here late and by then I decided I didn't really need a coffee today, I only wanted one. Isn't that how it goes though? Do you really need coffee or is it more of a want? Let's be real for a minute if you're going to drop 4 bones on a cup of coffee is it because you need it or because you just really want it and want the comfort that its going to give you? Maybe that's just me, I drink it for the experience and not because I need it. Although...there are days when I need a good strong latte to keep me from falling asleep in the batcave, which mostly happen on slow days that seem to always follow long nights out the night before. I don't have an addictive personality so if I wanted to lay off the sauce I could, but that would mean that my "couple times weekly" jaunt down to the coffee shop would be gone, which would therefore lower my vitamin d intake, which we all know I need because I'm a pasty white girl living in the pnw. I don't think I even need to mention that I'm all for supporting the local coffee owners efforts to provide me with a good cup of creamy goodness. I can rationalize anything!!....but that's for another post on another day when I'm not daydreaming of shemar moore....errrr...I mean, a good creamy, sugary laden cup of joe.

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Sparkles...Where!!??

I am a sparkle whore!!! Wait...no....errr....OK!! I like sparkles, but not in a smells like vanilla and has glitter on her tits kind of whore. I like sparkles in a classy, blingy, pretty kind of way. The kind of sparkles that you can wear to work, out on the town, around the house but wont make people think you're a Vegas showgirl in training. I have a love of sparkly things and I'm not afraid to show it. Sparkly tops, scarves, hats, jeans, dresses, shoes, you name it! If it can be bedazzled with a sequin or a rhinestone chances are I've got my eyes on it. I'm like a crow as my mom likes to call me. If it sparkles or reflects a decent amount of light I am on it. To me there is something special about shiny, pretty objects; they make me feel glamorous. And boy do I love to feel glamorous! I think that's why I get along so well with the gays, because they like to feel pretty and I like to feel pretty, and we both like to tell each other how pretty we are. A few months ago my friends and I had a "sparkle party", our inspiration came from the YouTube video "German sparkle party" if you haven't seen it, YouTube it asap! Don't worry, I'll wait....Anyways, we decided to have a sparkle party because, well, that's just how we roll. We like a good excuse to get all dressed up and drink like champs, so we had a good old fashioned sparkle party. Its been almost 5 months since the party and I am literally looking for any excuse just to wear my head to knee, gold sequined dress and glittery shoes again. SOMEBODY PLEASE HAVE A SPARKLE PARTY!...and invite me. This weekend is the Seattle Pride festival and me and my gays are going out on Saturday night to tear up the Hill, which really means were going to dress up like classy whores and drink ourselves stupid with fruity drinks. I considered wearing my little gold number but I'm thinking it might be a bit much and I don't exactly want people to think I'm a drag queen because well...its something a drag queen would rock the shit out of. So now I have to find something to wear that is not only fabulous but has a little sparkle to it because that's just how I get down, I need sparkle in my life. Do I wear a plain dress and bust out the gold, glittery, fuck me shoes from hell? Or do I go for something a little lower, more comfortable and not quite as "LOOK AT ME!!!"....Gold it is!! haha, I'm so glad you're with me on that one. Any excuse to wear shoes that I paid way too much for and have only worn once. Don't judge me, its all in the name of love...for the love of sparkles!! So what I'm hoping is that I am able to find something that is equally as fabulous as the gold dress, and one that will compliment my shoes and show off my lovely soon to be very tan legs (self tanner) and make me look FABulous!! I'm not hoping for a miracle, just a little good luck. :) Anyways I'm off to go look at shiny, sparkly objects and use ADD as an excuse to get sidetracked because I'm too busy looking at the reflective qualities of sparkly baubles.

In case you were wondering what the gold dress and glittery, fuck me shoes from hell look like....

My love hate relationship with food

I love food. I really, really love food. I also hate food. I am one of those people that never really grew out of their childhood pickyness. Yep that's me, I'm the weirdo that instead of growing out of it, what do ya know I grew into it!!! AHHH!! No joke! I am the pickiest eater that I know. The list of things that I do not eat is so long its slightly ridiculous and irritating as well. I mean really, who gets irritated by their own eating habits and constraints that they have built up around food? This girl!!
I also have a lot of weird habits that I've picked up that go along with how I eat food as well. For example, every bite needs to taste the same, and the most perfect bite needs to be saved for last or next to last. If you serve sour cream and guacamole with say a chimichanga, I'm the person that needs equal parts guac and sour cream with each bite of chimi. Even something easy like Teriyaki I make complicated. I prefer all of the chicken to be cut up and mixed in with the rice with an equal amount of extra teriyaki sauce added in so each bite tastes the same. How about sandwiches, burgers, wraps, etc. If I order a burger or a sandwich as soon as I get it I have to take it apart and rearrange the contents to my liking so that each bite is the same. I don't know where I picked up this habit from but I do remember my friends making fun of me in high school for this little ocd. I don't eat beef, I haven't eaten it for about 11 years and you know I don't miss it. The thing I do miss is from my beef eatings days are when I would go to a BBQ. There was always something for me to eat, now when I go, if beef is the only option then I end up being hungry. One thing that is really irritating for me is when I am invited over for dinner someplace and they prepared something that I don't eat, its irritating because I always feel weird. I always try to politely decline and I am gracious about it, and i will sometimes make up an excuse like "I'm still full from lunch" or something, because its usually awkward for me and the other person. I feel bad for not wanting their food, and they feel weird because I'm the jerk saying "no your food isn't good enough for me to put in my mouth, digest, and poo out later". Its not that I don't like their food, i mean I don't, but its nothing personal against them, I'm just picky. I'm also not the type of person to make requests when somebody invites me over, "yes can you make sure you don't make anything on this list" as I hand over a laundry list of foods that most people actually enjoy eating. And I',m definitely not the person that is going to say no I dont want to come over because I dont think youre going to make something I will like, because thats just mean! I also dont want my friends or anybody for that matter stressing out about what I do and dont eat when they are thinking about making me something, just make it! If I dont like it I will find something I do like and Ill eat that portion of it, no worries, Im an adapter.
So what do I eat? A lot of stuff actually. I really do enjoy food. I happen to have a very plain pallet when it comes to the foods that I eat. My dad is a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy and my mom is a "the complicated the better" kind of girl. I get my plane janeness from my dad. I blame him for my sweet tooth, I blame him for the reason I don't like spicy food, I blame him for my simple palate, because lets be honest here none of my eating habits are my own fault. hahaha. So how did I end up disliking so many foods when one of my parents is a food exhibitionist? Don't ask me!! I'm the victim here! I'm sure my mom wants to know as well because apparently I wasn't nearly this picky when I was little, but once I started wearing big girl panties I started throwing big girl food fits. Which leads me to where I am now, at a constant war with foods that I do and do not like.
My friends make fun of me and call me weird because I'm "too picky". I don't eat turkey at thanksgiving, this is normal for me, I simply prefer ham. I have a friend that is constantly harping about how I've probably just never had it made a good way. Nope, doesn't matter how its made I just plain don't like it. Even though I eat turkey lunch meat, I don't eat the bird turkey if its on the table for a holiday, or if it came to the house in the shape of a bird. Same with stuffing and coleslaw, Ive never been a fan of either. It doesn't matter how its prepared I just don't eat them because I don't like them, its nothing against you and your culinary prowess its the food, not you I swear. I'm a texture person and neither of those appeal to my palate in terms of texture. I don't care if you are Bobby Fuckin Flay in the kitchen and you make a BOMB.com coleslaw, I'm not eating it. Sorry charlie its just not for me.
Ok so you know I don't eat beef, no bird turkeys, coleslaw or stuffing I bet you are just DYING to know what else I don't like aren't you? Hahahaha. I knew it!! Well, I don't eat cooked vegetables unless it is corn, beans or peas. I don't count potatoes as a vegetable, because I'm weird like that. I like vegetables, the few of them that I do eat, but I will only eat them raw because I don't like them cooked. Again, its a texture thing and I don't expect you to understand. I like broccoli and cauliflower, nope not steamed with cheese, I prefer it raw and with ranch. Actually I prefer a little broccoli and cauliflower with my ranch dressing is more like it. But I cant stop there, I don't eat the whole piece of this particular vegetable I only eat the top. Yes, that's right folks, I only eat the little balls off the top of the broccoli tree and the fluffy white clouds from the top of the cauliflower....after its been covered in ranch. I don't eat celery unless it has peanut butter on it, otherwise its not on the menu. I don't eat any of the fungi, they have a weird wait for it....texture. and they smell funny. I do like peas though! Go me! There's something I like that a lot of people don't, and guess what my favorite soup is! If you guessed split pea you are a winner!.. but not in the Charlie Sheen kind of way. One thing I have noticed is that the produce section of the store is very large and has quite an abundant variety of vegetables, but this is me were talking about and no matter how many options there are, I still only buy/eat cucumbers, carrots, lettuces, sometimes celery (if I'm craving peanut butter), broccoli, cauliflower, corn and sometimes those little snap pea things-I'm still trying to make myself like those things. I only eat these things raw though, you wont catch me eating them cooked, unless its corn. Here's another weird one for ya, I'm on a roll now! I don't like fresh green beans and peas, I prefer them from the can. *gasp* oh no she didn't just say she prefers a veggie from a can!! *head nod* I know, sad right?
Lets go back to the meats I don't eat. So we already covered that beef is not on the menu, well lets talk about what is on the menu when it comes to meat. I like fish, shrimp, crab, chicken, pork, and turkey (but not the bird turkey) and that's about it. I don't eat hot dogs, or weird sausages (by weird I mean it has beef in it), pepperoni (unless its turkey), and the only wurst i eat is bratwurst as long as its pork only. Which I find very interesting because when I was younger I used to love eating liverwurst and crackers with my grandma, just something about the taste and the smell, mmmm, but you wont catch me near that stuff now! Now that I know what its made of.
I don't like spicy, I dont like ethnic foods, I do like flavor but I don't like heat. I like fresh, I like crisp, I like appealing textures not mushy, mealy, or anything with a snot like consistency-like flan and creme brulee-Yeck! I like pie, but not the crust. I like salsa but not chunky salsa because I don't want to chew my tomatoes, I prefer them itty bitty and just shy of pureed. I like ketchup and ranch on almost anything but I don't like mustard. I like mayo and hate miracle whip. I don't like foods that have a very strong odor, like curry or cajun stuff. I love fruit, almost any fruit except for the melon family because I hate melons except for the famous pink one that starts with a W. I love cheese, all sorts of cheese. I like eggs now, I went through a phase where I couldn't eat them at all but now i like them again, but only scrambled or deviled (but I have to make it because I want to know whats in it), unless I put them in "eggs in a basket" which is the only time a runny egg is acceptable. I don't eat other peoples potato salad, they put too many weird things in it like celery, sometimes relish and those damned chopped onions, and a lot of the times its too sweet. I prefer a saltier potato salad heavy on the pickles, olives, and mustard. I only like cashews, almonds, peanuts and sometimes a macadamia nut if its in a cookie, the rest you will not find in any recipe or mix of mine.
I also have issues with eating foods by the date that's stamped on the package. I know, I know the date doesn't mean that you HAVE to eat them by this date...no, it does, at least to me it does. I wont drink milk, eat yogurt, cheese or any other dairy product after the date that is stamped on the package. I cant do it, it makes me gag.
So these are my brain droppings for the evening, I hope I didn't scare any of you off. I cant help it, this is who I am. I'm weird, I know this, but I'm OK with it. But I will admit that even I annoy myself with how many constraints and rules I put on food about stuff I do and don't like. Its hard to keep up with all of the things I don't like, which is why I tend to remember only the things I do like. I feel like were all a little picky deep down, and some people are even over the top, but me well...I'm just slightly difficult.

Who are you?

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." ~Oscar Wilde
Who are you? Who am I? This is such a hard question to ask. I feel like no matter how sure of yourself you are there is always some inkling of doubt as to who you really are deep down. All of us have things that we keep hidden from others but why? What is it about our inner selves that make us feel like we can't share our thoughts or beliefs? Are they really that different or are they just uncomfortable? I'm not a big fan of feeling uncomfortable but for the past year I've been trying to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. I've been trying to call myself out and make myself uncomfortable so that I can better understand how I work and why I feel the way I do. I have been challenging myself to be more confrontational and say exactly what's on my mind at that time. I've been challenging myself to be more open and more direct, I've also been talking about my feelings more and that is something I don't do because I don't necessarily understand them. What I've gotten from this is that I feel like I've grown a lot this past year because I have done some challenging things and made myself uncomfortable. Everyday I learn something new about myself, what I do and don't like and what I need. Today I learned about my lack of cultural identity which was very hard for me to understand at first. I was given some clarification and I feel like by understanding my personal culture I will be able to understand more about myself and why I have some of the beliefs that I have. Cheers to the long road of personal growth and understanding, and creating your own self help because you are comfortable being uncomfortable.

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Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Baking and Britney, oh fasho!

I'm not going to pretend that I'm somebody I'm not, I like Britney Spears. I also like baking but that's not really a big surprise now is it? Today's adventure in the kitchen was to bake up some scrumptious chocolate chip banana muffins to take along with me to league tonight in hopes of making my teammates happy enough to ignore my super sleepy level of play. Ill have to let you know later if it worked or not. I'm one of those people who hears a good beat and just cant hold back, Ive gotta dance!!! You have to give it to her, even though she is crazier than bat shit she knows how to use a good beat. Hence why Britney is on every girls night mix I have ever made, another reason she is on my workout mix, and yet another reason she has some of the top get your dance on before you go out songs around...Love her, even though she's crazy. So here I am baking muffins, and dancing to Britney, yeah I'm supa fly I can multitask!! haha. Anyways, I just wanted to share this recipe that I found, because it is F.A.B-ULOUS and soooo worth making. I'm a big fan of making these instead of banana bread right now. Ive been throwing my old brown bananas into this recipe with some basic ingredients and a whole lotta chocolate. That's right, a WHOLE lot of chocolate, since I don't mess around when it comes to chocolate. Hence the need to dance more when I'm baking, to hopefully work off enough calories from shaking my ass while I'm baking to justify eating "just one more muffin." When you are feeling a little a little indecisive about making a big decision nothing fixes it better than warm and delicious muffins and a little shakin of the bon bon if you know what I'm sayin!
Kick it old school!

Dear Blogger....

Dear Blogger,
I would first like to apologize for alienating you for the past......month? Probably longer, owell, get the fuck over it! Ive had a life you know. Much is going on in my world right now and things are super busy. So while I'm sorry I haven't been able to entertain you and keep you company with my ramblings Ive been busy doing stuff..Stuff like watching scrubs, working, sometimes working out, taking naps, playing volleyball and of course searching for the mysterious smell that is in my car and I cannot seem to locate. I have been thinking about you though, I just thought you should know. I have a handy little to do list app on my phone, yeah yeah not so special since everyone has or should have one. Anyways, one of my widgets is for you guessed it!! "Things I want to blog about." The "to blog on" to do list is progressively getting longer, and it doesn't appear to be getting shorter anytime soon, since well its that time of year and this is when I have to remind myself to continue to screw my head in place for fear that it will fall off. The end of the school year will do that to you, but I don't expect you to understand blogger...To top all this off I cant seem to find my planner ANYWHERE!!! AHHHH!!! Now if you know how much I am attached to my planner its like losing your cell phone! NOT good. Especially since that thing has my life in it, I know what to do everyday because of that thing. I put extra care and love into finding the perfect planner, getting the perfect stickers, and filling it out diligently everyday....only to show it so much love and take it everywhere that *gasp* I've finally gone and left it behind. Tomorrows to do list...locate planner and locate mysterious smell in my car. Both are very important. Sorry that I wasn't able to give you anything entertaining tonight blogger but you'll just have to suck it up. Ill try to post something a little more insightful later this week given I haven't lost my noodle due to my lack of planner.

Leapin Lizards!

Just booked my trip to Mexico can I get a WOOOHOOO!!! I haven't been on a legit vacation in so long, I'm pretty sure this one is going to be awesome! So as I was thinking about the things I didn't do the last time I was in Mexico (for lack of having a pair of balls) my memory has so kindly brought to my attention para sailing and holding an iguana. My friend Sara just got back from Mexico and she survived the whole para sailing thing so maybe I'll give that a try...maybe (once I grow a pair that is). It looks like it would be fun, she said it was relaxing and I'm thinking the view would be spectacular. Every time I go to Mexico I tell myself I'm going to do it, and I never do. I go up to the boat, talk to the guy who straps you in and then I promptly chicken out because land is so much safer. I'm such a weenie! I have no problem diving underwater but flying over it while I'm being pulled behind a boat is another thing, weenie with a capital W. The other thing Ive thought about doing is holding an iguana. Why not do something totally touristy and hold a very large reptile? Kind of like this guy did, and it looks like hes OK right? Just think about how bad ass I would look holding a giant iguana!? Instant street cred, and a potential new FB profile pic.

So I wasn't really scared to do this because well lets be honest, people hold iguanas all the time..Buuut, apparently Iguanas DO bite! Just check out this guys hand! WTF!? Sooo NOW I'm scared of holding one for fear it might bite me. Doh! As if that wasn't enough check this out!!

Yeah that's right, iguanas fart and that video proves it. Soooo, what if I'm holding the little bastard and then all of a sudden it farts and then poos on me!!?? So much for street cred and a cool new profile pic. Any recommendations on things I should do in Mexico that dont involve giant reptiles and or falling into the ocean?

Irrational Fears Part 2

I felt the need to create an Irrational Fears Part 2 because I felt like these two fears needed their own post. So once again last week I was reminded of one of my biggest irrational fears and for some reason I just cant get it out of my head. There was a news video posted online about a woman who was walking in her backyard and fell in a sinkhole. I'm weird I know but I have a fear of sinkholes. I'm worried that somewhere, someday I will just be walking along and bam! Ill be swallowed up by a sinkhole. But in all seriousness you cant deny that these things are scary! I mean look at this picture of a sinkhole that formed in Guatemala last year, can we say SCARY! It just swallowed up some building and a road, no big deal right? Apparently not if you're a sinkhole, they just devour anything that they feel like when they feel like it.

This isn't the only large sinkhole that's out there folks, they're everywhere!! Just google it, then you'll see these things are real and they are dangerous! The other irrational fear I have is of traveling carnivals. I don't know where this one came from but Ive had it for a long time, where as the sinkhole fear is newer, its only about a 5 months old. Traveling carnivals scare me. They scare me because they move around from city to city and then they are set up and you're just supposed to trust your life to some machine that travels around creating fun. Ummm, no thanks! I don't ride on rides that travel around the country, they need to be firmly rooted to the ground in order for me to feel safe. I have no problem riding on a ride at Disneyland but you will not catch me on a ride down at Lakefair. Nope, no thank you Ill pass. They might be safe and I'm sure they go through a lot of inspections and safety tests but that doesn't make me feel any better about going on them. Do you remember that Alanis Morrisette song from back in the day, the song Ironic? Yeah I feel like she wrote that song for me, the one time I go on one of these traveling carnival rides will be my last because I will inevitably (because of the song) plummet to my death and it will be horribly painful. I just know it, and because that's how it works in the song. You're afraid of planes, but you ride on one, and then you die. Yep, no thanks I think Ill pass. Anybody humming that Alanis song yet, I know I am.

Sloth

I have a hard time sitting around. While I like to think of myself as a lazy person, I really dont get to be lazy as often as one might like to. I like to dabble in different things just to keep things interesting and I feel like I am constantly trying to do more than a normal person would do, just because I feel compelled by my inner crazy person to be on the go all the time. For example, I have a great full time job, my job is really fun and I enjoy it a lot. Sometimes it requires me to work nights and the occassional Saturday, which I dont mind because my work seems more like play than work. I often think to myself, wow they are paying me to do this how cool is that!? On a normal week I usually work anywhere between 40 and 45 hours a week. On a busy week it can go up to about 55, those are rare but they do happen and they are exhausting. On top of my regular job I also coach volleyball at the local high school in the fall which is a kick in the pants! I love working as part of a program that gave me a lot of good memories when I was going through high school. I coach c-team and as challenging as it is it isnt very stressfull which I appreciate, and the head coach has been very accomodating with my schedule. In the spring I coach 7th grade volleyball at the local middle school that is close to my work. As frustrated as it is sometimes I appreciate how I have to take a step back and evaluate my coaching ability. Coaching middle school has taught me a lot of patience and it makes me stop to think about fundamentals and what is really important for them to know. Somedays I struggle with this becuase the 7th graders that I am coaching are feeding into a fairly strong rival program of our high school and I sometimes feel like Im cheating on my high school kids because I have coached the enemy if you will, but I quickly get over it and consider it a friendly competitive challenge and test of my coaching ability. Spring and fall are really busy for me, with morning practices before work in the spring and late evening practices in the fall one would think that I dont have much time for anything else. Well I dont really, but I am the type of person that would prefer a jam packed schedule over a slow not much going on schedule. I recently agreed to play on three spring volleyball leagues on top of coaching spring vb at the middle school, Eek what was I thinking? Ok, this is a little crazy even for me but I have this thing about staying busy and I am driven by this insane need to have a full schedule and keep busy all the time. Weekdays for me are mostly all business with work, coaching, and playing ball so you might think that my weekends are my chill time? Meh, not really. Because I enjoy always having something going on I tend to pack my weekends full of fun things to do like hiking, biking, volleyball tournaments (as if i didnt get enoug vb during the week) running, shopping, dinner dates, grocery shopping, cleaning and catching up with the friends and family I have neglected during the week. I generally have my weekends planned so far in advance that last year when my good friend was trying to find a time to hangout with me I realized that I have too much going on. I tried to take a step back and not plan as many things but it was really hard for me. I ended up doing more sitting around than I enjoy and I felt like I was missing out on things because I was trying to have more me time. So Im trying to compromise and include my friends in on my busy weekends, whether or not they have noticed. Instead of doing what I was planning on doing anyway I try to invite a friend so that I can spend some time with them doing something fun, most of the time they are more than happy to oblige. I appreciate my friends and I appreciate that they understand my need to be busy. They support my need for a neverending to do list and they dont give me too much crap for not making as much time for them as I would like to. When I die I want to look back and know that I did everything I wanted to do and lived a full life, I want to have kicked lifes ass if you will. To me living a full life is doing everything you want to do. I feel like there isnt enough time in the day for me to get everything I want to do done so thats why I stay busy, because I feel like theres never enough time. I dont want to look back and think about the amount of time I spent sitting around, I want to think about the things I did, the memories I made and the people I got to experience those things with. Lucky for me my friends like to do a lot of the same stuff I do so that makes doing this easy. But I also dont want to get burnt out, I am concious of the fact that this could be a problem for me in the near future. I dont have a significant other that I have to torture with my lack of attention, the cat fills that role quite nicely. I dont have any children that I have to put first, as long as the cat is fed and her box is clean shes happy and I get to go on my merry way. I am lucky that my work is like play for all three of the jobs that I have and that I wake up wanting to go to work everyday. I have a quote that I repeat in my head quite often, "youll never reget doing it, but youll always regret not doing it." I love this saying because I feel like it sums me up, I keep doing things and I stay busy because I dont want to regret not doing them later and thinking back "man I sure had a lot of time I didnt use, If only I could get it back." I dont want that to be me, so for now Im going to continue being this crazy person who has too much going on because I dont think Id have it any other way.

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Let's Talk Spring...sort of

Sunshine. Mud puddles. Cool breeze. Crisp air. Green. Flowers. Trees. Cherry blossoms. Grass. Rain. Hail. Longer days. Clouds. Blue skies. Car washes. Umbrellas. Bike rides. Walks. Hikes. Gardens. Plants. Dirt. Lawn mowers. Bird feeders. Yard work. Squirrels. Lawn gnomes. Hey, who snuck that last one in there? Oh yeah, hehe, that was me. So I have a confession to make: I am addicted to lawn gnomes. I love them. I love them so much every time I see a cute little, happy, smiling lawn gnome my heart smiles. I purposely go out of my way just to look at these shiny little pieces of lawn art whenever I go into a store. I like to carefully disguise this as just "checking out" the garden section for a "new pot". We all know what I'm really doing, I'm creepin' the lawn gnomes! So I don't have a logical explanation for my love of lawn gnomes other than they are just so stinkin' cute! I would like to clarify that I have not purchased a lawn gnome and do not currently have one in my possession. This is do to the fact that I have not found the perfect lawn gnome, not for lack of searching because I have done my fair share of looking. I just haven't found the perfect one yet, and I'm being really picky about it. Another simple explanation and reason as to why I do not have one is because my mom thinks they are hideous and refuses to indulge my needs and participate in cutesy lawn gnome oogling. Whew! I said it! I blame my mom for my lack of a lawn gnome. She thinks they are hideous, which really we all know makes me want one even more. Another reason I do not have one is because I have a tiny little yard, it is maybe 8x8ft, and is one lawn gnome enough? If you ask some people they might say that one is too much, which brings me to another reason I do not have one; people think they are hideous. I guess deep down I'm afraid of being judged and ridiculed for having a lawn ornament, when we all know that the only ornaments lawns need are clean and shortly trimmed grass and the occasional flower bed. The last reason as to why I do not have a lawn gnome is because I'm scared. I'm scared to own one not because they might be "evil" or "mischievous" but because I'm afraid somebody might take my precious gnome and try to liberate it. I am against garden gnome liberation! I do want one, but I don't know how I will be able to explain to my roommate why there is a little ceramic man wearing a little red hat sitting in the yard, who has no real purpose other than to sit there and look cute. Lets talk about their cuteness for a second. For the record I would just like to state that not all lawn gnomes are cute. There are some very ugly ones out there and they are the exception. I do not like cheaply made gnomes, plastic gnomes simply will not do. I prefer the real thing, terra cotta all the way. I don't like a lot of junk surrounding them for example: signs that say welcome to my garden, benches, excessive mushrooms, etc. should not go on a lawn ornament; it makes them look cheap. A classy cute faced gnome with a big chipper smile and brightly colored paint is cute to me. I cant really explain why they make my heart smile when I see them but I will try to explore this so that I too can understand my infatuation with a lawn ornament. I think one of the reasons is that they always look so darned happy. They are generally always smiling and sometimes they are being a little mischievous and are mooning you, this really makes me giggle. Side note-I would never place a bare assed lawn gnome in my yard, on my porch, etc. they are NOT classy, but they do make me smile a little. Another reason might have to do with the myth that surrounds them. Back in the day garden gnomes were said to watch over your garden and help tend to it at night. Which we all know I need help with, considering my lack of a green thumb, honestly I try SO hard here! I think the main reason I love these little things is because they make me feel like a kid again. They stir up a magical happiness inside that almost always brings a smile to my face when I see a cute one. Is anybody out there as excited as I am that they made a cute little cartoon movie about gnomes? Gnomeo and Juliet, I cant WAIT to see you!

June Fucking Cleaver

Lately I've been doing so much baking that my ass should be close to the size of a Buick by now. I love to bake. It's fun and I have a HUGE sweet tooth. So this is where I share the fruits of my labor and show you pictures of what has been made, and then show you how to find the original recipe so that you too can suffer from a blissed out sugar coma just like I have.
First things first, a little over a week ago my bestie Chelsi came over to teach me how to make superbly cute sugar cookies. Chelsi has been making them for awhile now, and then we decided that we needed to have a girls day so she could show me how to make them, so that I can stop eating hers and make my own. Chelsi is a bit of a blog addict and always manages to find great ideas online. The first of her great ideas would be these magically delicious treats. Oooooooooohhh!!! Now THIS is what I call a pancake!! A cinnamon roll pancake! Thats right, a cinnamon roll pancake, one of natures perfect foods, just like bacon. and these are absolutely fantastic! From their chewy center and slightly crisp sugary edges to the delicious cream cheese frosting, these things will send you into a sugar coma so fast that Homer Simpson will call you his hero. We started the day off with these bad boys and then we started in on the cookies.

If you have ever wanted to learn how to make really cute sugar cookies when check out Bridget at Bake at 350 she will teach you all kinds of tricks so you can make cookies like this....

Whilst browsing her site I came across frosted animal cookies and I knew instantly that I had to make these. My excuse was that they would be perfect for my dads birthday, since he happens to be who I get my insatiable sweet tooth from. And I absolutely love these, because they are so stinkin cute! Don't they just take you back to the days when you would sneak into your dads truck to raid his cookie stash??.....just me? figures.. Anyways, my dad loved these and of the 14 cookies I gave him on Monday there was only 1, I repeat one, cookie left by the time I went over on Friday. Woohoo!! Points for Chelsi and me for making deliciously cute sugar cookies.

After a funfilled day of baking cookies and eating cinnamon rolls, err, I mean pancakes I still had a cake to make for a potluck we were having at work. At the end of every quarter we like to get the students together to celebrate the end and eat. We like to eat....a lot. I asked the students what they would like me to bring and peanut butter frosting cake won by a landslide. This cake is super easy to bake, you simply follow the directions on the box and bake. The hardest part is the frosting which is only slightly more difficult than baking the cake itself, and by harder I mean it needs more mixing.. The frosting consists of peanut butter (big surprise), powdered sugar, butter, milk and a little vanilla extract. Doesn't this sound sooo healthy? Who really cares, this cake is great! My mama is the one who taught me how to make it, and its super easy and delicious, much better than any frosting you buy in a can. Feast your eyes on this bad boy. Mmmmm...when paired with milk it doesnt get much better than this. The students loved it and it didnt last for very long.

The next on my list of things to bake this week was a coca cola cake. Last summer my boss and I went to Kentucky for a conference where we discoverd the wonders of Cracker Barrel. Now for those of you that are familiar with Cracker Barrel you know that this is the mecca of all things Southern Cooking. High in fat, high in salt, high is delicious flavor. We went for dinner one night, and by dinner I really mean we went for dessert because thats just how we roll, and we both had a slice of chocolate fudge coca cola cake and a nice cold tall glass of milk. This cake was SUPER! It was so super that I had to track down a recipe so that I could make it when I got home. After comparing numerous recipes online last week I finally settled with this one for chocolate coca cola cake. Mmmmmm...I decided to make it for my boss' birthday, and it didnt turn out too bad. The only thing that would have made it better would be warming it up and serving it up with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a nice cold tall glass of milk of course.
Well thats it for my kitchen adventures of the week, stay tuned because the next big idea here is turning my peanut butter cake into chocolate covered cake balls. Can we say YUM-O!? Im salivating just thinking about it. Mmmmm.

Irrational Fears

I want to talk about fears today, and how my fears make me seem neurotic. I have many fears and most of them are irrational and hard to understand, but these are my fears and can help explain a little bit of what goes on in my head.
So I have the basics covered snakes, spiders, scorpions,and that kind of thing.  But what happens when your harmless, irrational fear of spidersturns into nightmares? Quite often I am jostled out of a deep sleep at night because of a spider dream that wakes me up and becomes real.  Let me explain this a little more, I have woken up MANY times only to shriek, jump out of bed, throw all of my blankets on the floor and proceed to hit them until the dream spider is squished. Usually by the time I start hitting the blankets I have figured out that it's just a dream and that there isn't really a spider lurking in my blankets waiting to bite me. It never seems to stop me or make the dreams go away because I often wake up feeling like there's a spider hanging over my bed, which then freaks me out, and makes me get out of bed only to then swat at my blankets some more.  I am so freaked out by spiders that I have a spray can of hot shot in my room just in case I ever do see a spider; my house is NOT spider friendly. As if my wierd spider dreams werent enough to get you thinking that Im wierd I have MAAANY more wierd fears. Port a potties for example? They scare the bejeezus out of me! Something about the combination of smell, confined space, lack of sanitation and knowing that you potty on other peoples potty. I happen to be a flush kind of girl, letting it linger is not my style so it really really creeps me out when you see other peoples potty just sitting there being all gross and shit. What if it splashes? What if its full? What kind of bacteria is on the door handle when you touch it? I shudder at the thought. I used to have really bad dreams of people getting stuck if port a potties when I was younger, Im pretty sure thats where my irrational fear of disgusting portable toilets comes from. I have another one which is more recent and quite odd if you ask me. Im not sure how I have come to have this fear but it is here none the less. Lately as I have been driving to practice in the mornings it has still been really dark out. (Silly observation, of course its been dark I leave my house at 5:15am!) I drive under a few bridges on my commute and every time I drive under a bridge lately I have had the wierdest, creepiest thoughts. Every time I drive under them I get worried that somebody is going to commit suicide and jump from the bridge and land in front of or on top of my car. Seriously!!?? Who has these thoughts/fears!? There is one bridge that is near my house that is a really large bridge in our area and a few people have commited the deed and made the jump. I remember reading an article in the paper a couple years ago about a guy who jumped and landed on a ladies car. Talk about scarred for life, I dont know what I would do if that happened to me. Well, to be honest I would probably shit myself, scream my lungs out and start bawling oooor pass out. Passing out seems like the most likely thing to happen knowing my history of passing out and having a weak stomach. I feel like because it is so dark out when I drive under these bridges that I wouldnt know if somebody was even on top of them let alone be able to see them until they were right in front of me. Lets see what else? Not like you need anymore entertainment for the day but Im sure I have more irrational fears...Oh yes, cemetaries!! These are right up there with spiders, scarier than port potties and almost as scary as my bridge fear. Cemetaries freak me out because well, they are the final resting places of dead people. DEAD PEOPLE! There are BODIES, under that soil. BODIES!!! REAL ONES!!! I dont go to them because they freak me out so much, I cannot walk by them and I avoid driving by them at all costs. If I do have to drive by a cemetary I wont look at it at all. I dont know what it is, but there is something seriously creepy and eerie about cemetaries. I cant explain it but Ive always had this wierd fear, but apparently Im not alone there are others out there just like me; possibly worse that also have a fear of cemetaries. This fear is also known as coimetrophobia, just in case you were wondering.
Ok well I think thats all for now, but if I can think of any of my other fears Ill make sure to post them so you can get a good laugh at my expense.

Spring is coming!

Eeeeee!!! Spring is coming! It really sank in today while I was out on a run. As I was running around the neighborhood I couldnt help but enjoy the sweet scents that would tickle my nose. I left my house and my nose was instantly accosted by the sweet smell of somebody barbequeing, mmmmm...what a way to get the fat girl motivated to run, tease her with the sweet smell of bbq. Yum! Ok fine, I wont turn around and go home to eat Ill just keep running. And I did. I ran, I ran through the retirement neighborhood and enjoyed the nice quiet, and peaceful scenery. Surprisingly not many people were out enjoying the weather, lazy bums. If they were they would have smelled the lovely smell of laundry. It must be something about this time of night but I ran by quite a few house that were doing laundry. I must say I rather enjoy the sweet smell of fresh laundry, it has a cozy feeling to it. I ran along the trail which had a nice earthy smell to it. Fresh air, trees, leaves, dirt, ahhh the smells of the outdoors; not quite mountain air freshness but it felt clean and crisp in my lungs. I ran until the trail intersected a road I can't say that I've ever travelled on and I managed to find a cow farm? Really? I can't stand cows, they have a very distinct smell to them which isn't very pleasant when you would like to plug you nose but know it'd be a really bad idea because that's the complete opposite of what your body wants you to do when you are running. As much as I hate the smell of cows, farms have a nostalgic smell that reminds me of my parents place where I grew up at. Cow smell is very different than horse smell but it reminds me of all the time I spent outdoors on the "farm"playing outside in the mud with my imaginary gnome villiages that I used to create. Nothing but rocks, water, grass and expansive cityscapes that I would create out in the horse pasture. I had a very creative imagination when I was younger, still do but nowadays it doesn't include gnome villages. I finally made my way to the main road, which in all honesty I didn't know I had gone that far because I was surprised to see just how far from home I really was, then again I blame my workout mix on my ipod for helping me zone out and enjoy the time. Eventually I made my way home and surprisingly felt really good about what I accomplished. Things have been very busy lately and I would have much rathered gone straight to bed when I got home from work but I didn't so I am proud of myself for not doing that. I also feel like I'm starting to break through an imaginary barrier that I have built up. I've been listening to jillian michaels podcast and I really like it. I listen to it during my commute to and from work, and I can honestly say that it is motivating and very educational. I've learned a lot so far and there have only been 4 podcasts. I really like her no nonsense approach to physical strength and wellbeing. Today while I was out running I had a little bit of jillian yelling at me to keep going. "If you're not puking or dead, then keep going." And I did, I had no real reason to stop. The run wasn't hard and my body felt fine, so I just kept going. By the end of my workout I ended up traveling 3.83 miles, now my ocd really really wanted to kick in and say keep going let's make it an even 4 but as soon as I rounded the corner to go home both of my quads cramped up at the same time. Horrible pain. This was the first time my quads have cramped after/during a run. They usually only cramp when I play a long day of volleyball in a tournament. So maybe running long distances isn't for me after all, but I'm not ready to give it up yet because running is easy to do and you can do it anywhere. If there's one thing I've learned its that your body is a lot stronger than you think it is and its capable of doing a lot more than you think it can. I've been contemplating doing a max run to see how far I can run before I can't go any farther. The thought of this has been really terrifying for some reason but today something happened that made me realize that no matter how much it hurts when I finish my max run I'm going to be glad I know my limit and how far I can push my body. Now that my mind is set on doing this I need to find a time to do it. I think my max is going to be somewhere around 5-6miles, ill be pleasantly surprised if its more because that just means I'm closer to my goal of running a half marathon that I thought I was. I get these great, or not so great depending on how you look at it, ideas in my head and I'm very stubborn. I am a very stubborn person and once I get an idea I feel the need to run with it, no pun intended. I got this grand idea to run a half marathon back in september when I heard about the disneyland princess half marathon and I thought that it would be a lot of fun. Well it probably would be but I don't know why I decided I need to do this when I don't conside myself a runner at all. I feel like its just another thing to check off of my to do list, and I feel like its attainable. I think I could do it, now the tricky part is finding someone to do it with me. I am currently accepting offers for running partners for the disney princess half marathon, you know you want to!! :) I shall welcome spring with wide arms and a big smile, I've missed you spring please get here faster.

Cleaning out my closet

I did it. I finally decided to break down and clean out my closet, and not in the Eminem way, although just the thought amuses me. So a little about me, I am a recovering shopaholic. I enjoy shopping...a lot. I also enjoy being organized. I do not enjoy not having enough space for all of my crap that I have accumulated over my 25 years of existence, and I say 25 because I'm sure there are things in my room that I have had for that long. I enjoy my things, I like what they resemble or the memories that I have had with them. I have a hard time throwing things out because of this. I feel like by getting rid of items that I have had good memories in I am tossing away those memories. I feel like by seeing these items they help remind me of the memories I have had with them. That's one reason I hang onto things. Another reason I hang onto things is because people gave them to me, and I feel like when somebody gives you something there is a reason they wanted you to have it. I don't like it when people give me random items of crap, they are useless to me and I would rather you didn't. I call these items "shitty bitties" and will re gift them or pass them along freely to a new owner in a heartbeat. These items include but are not limited to things that I would not wear (hats, scarves, socks), would not display (trinkets, hangy thingys, windchimes-don't even get me started on these!, ugly painting thingys), would not use in any way shape or form and do not feel that by having these items my life is being enhanced in any way(broaches, foul smelling candles, items I already have (long list of these considering I don't get rid of shit very often). This is not to say that I do not enjoy gifts because I do, but what do you get for "the girl who has everything, shes got gadgets and gizmos a plenty, shes got whos its and whats its galore? You want thingamabobs, Ive got 20." (little mermaid throwback anyone?) AAAnnnyways, back on topic...I hang onto things, even shitty bitties, well at least until I can find them another home, but this isn't the point. The point is that I have accumulated a lot of stuff over my life and have a hard time getting rid of it. Today I went through my closet and you know what I found? A hell of a lot of shoes, I neglected to count because I did not feel that knowing the number was relevant or even important in any way. But I did it, I cut the ties with wait for it....23 pairs!! Woohoo!! I got rid of 23 pairs of shoes today, this is a BIG step for me. Considering that the last time I got rid of shoes. last year sometime, I got rid of a bunch then too. I try to go through my closet on a regular basis because as I stated above I am a recovering shopaholic and I somehow manage to acquire more stuff on occasion, which is a very mysterious phenomena if you ask me. I also sifted through my jeans, hats, scarves, sweaters and belts. I managed to toss out 3 bags of stuff that I no longer feel the need to have any attachment to. I feel kind of bad though. I feel bad because I tossed out things that still had original price tags on them. EEEK!!! I'm a bad person, I know. At one time I couldn't wait to wear these things but never managed to get around to it so they just got shoved to the back of the closet, trends changed and they were forgotten about. Times like this I wish that stores had longer return policies. Now that I have started to purge I feel compelled to finish the task and continue purging my wardrobe and rest of the house (look out house, shes on a mission!!). It started with the closet and hopefully this week I will manage to get around to the two dressers and armwoir, but that might be pushing it a bit, we will see. After all they are just things, and things don't really matter in the long run.

Oprah who? This is my world bitches!

As we are all aware every year the queen of the media world Oprah Winfrey comes out with her favorite things episode. This usually happens before Christmas, and the items on her list are generally top notch high quality Oprah-esque things. Well what about me!? In my head I'm famous, Oprah should be jealous of ME! Realistically I know she's not, but I feel like Oprah needs to know what some of MY favorite things are so that she can add some more high quality items to her list. I will confess that I do have a few things that overlap with the queen O, after all we both have impeccably good taste. So here is my list, do with it what you will and enjoy.

• Philosophy cherry cola body wash; AMAZING, smells just like a cherry coke, only you get to bathe in it.
• Ugg Bailey Triple Button Boots; like a big comfortable hug for your feet.
• 100% supima cotton throw blankets; trust me on this one they are worth every penny.
• Lancome Cils Booster, helps make my lashes look fuller and longer.
• Donna Karen Soho Jeans, these make my butt look great, come in great dark washes and have a little stretch to them.
• Yankee candle world journeys candle in South African Vinyard. Not only is it a great color purple, but it smells absolutely delicious. If all vinyards smelled like this I would definitely visit.
• Clarisonic skin brush, when you are in need of glowing, radiant skin.
• D&G #3 L'Imperatrice eau de toilette. So fresh and so clean, perfect for any occasion.
• Clinique moisture surge moisturizer, Pure moisture that works year round and is great for sensitive skin.
• Doughmakers baking pans, these are my absolute fave when it comes to perfect baking every time. These pans have a pebble bottom that allows heat to flow through the channels, and help you get that perfect all over golden brown every time.
• Sookie Stackhouse books, my favorite guilty pleasure reads. Vamps, fairies and weres oh my!
• Action Day Planners, if you are somebody that never leave anywhere without their planner and also happens to be goal oriented and a compulsive list maker then this planner is for you. My search for the perfect planner is over, I have final found my do it all planner that never fears to keep me organized in my super busy life.
• Maui Jim sunglasses, they have so many cute frames and their lenses are some of the best out there. They are created with polarized plus technology so they block glare from the top and bottom, plus they are a little darker so you can creep the hotties without them seeing you.
• Ipod nano touch and the nike plus running system. This is by far the best thing I have gotten for keeping me motivated to run and stay on my fitness goal track. The ipod is small and super cute, has a touch screen, a pedometer and an am/fm tuner. The nike plus is an amazing motivator because it loads your runs online so you can track the fastest parts of your run, calories, songs listened to, play your power song, track your speed, distance, create goals and training plans.

Twitterverse

Well ive finally gone and done it. After much deliberation (a semi drunk "good" idea) ive gone and created a twitter account. Im not quite sure what use i have for it, and whether or not it will actually fit into my life..most likely it wont but i did it anyways. The only reason i finally caved in is so i could post my random, and i do mean random thoughts that pop into my head numerous times throughout the day. Other than that i dont see a reason to have one. And let me just be honest here, i tend to think im a humorous person at times and my brain droppings should not be lost to a text message that is sent to one of my friends which will not be shared with the world. Soooo, i did it. The devil made me do it, and therefore i shall begin my second mini venture and i shall entertain the world, one brain dropping at a time. That is if the world chooses to follow me. For all of those inquiring minds out there, no i have no idea how to use twitter. And yes im pretty sure im borderline too old to be learning yet another form of social media however, im going to give it a shot just for shits and giggles, hopefully it will produce more giggles than shits but then again this is me were talking about. So follow me as i begin my world domination and take over "the interweb." @shandiddles
I have just successfully created my very first mobile blog attempt using "theres an app for that" blogger app. Go me!

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Good morning Chicago!!

Whew! After this whirlwind of traveling these past couple days I am HERE!!! So far I can say that I am a fan of the Chi-town. Our flight yesterday was pleasant, our pilots name....wait for it....Captain Champion!!! Hahahaha, how great is that!? Whenever he would say "this is captain champion...blah blah blah pilot speak, blah blah.." I cracked up a little inside. Is that not the greatest pilots name ever!? Man, he lucked out in the name department. For once on our travels I got to sit next to Shelley on our flight, and lucky me I was the cream to the sandwich in the middle. On my left was Shelley who lucked out with the window seat, and on my right was a guy who impressed me with his in flight drinking abilities. Talk about hardcore, the guy orded two vodkas, no mixer just straight up vodka and ice, and a Heineken. Nervous flier maybe? Either way he was nice and told us all about how beautiful Chicago is in the Summer. A lot of good that does, Im here in the Winter!!!


Check in went smoothly, so far the people here are really nice, but I think thats because most of the people Ive interacted with have been customer service people. I really enjoy the opportunities that I have to travel when it comes to my job and professional development. I feel like I learn so much more and have had some great opportunities thrown my way because of the people I work with, and how supportive they are. I am very excited for this conference and Im hoping to learn a lot while Im here, not to mention I plan on eating a lot while Im here. That seems to be how I travel though. :)

Speaking of food...Last night after we got settled in the hotel we went across the street to this great little place to grab some grub. The place was called Cosi and it was fantastic!! http://www.getcosi.com/ Check it out, its a chain that NEEDS to make its way to the Westcoast asap. Shelley and I both had a grilled chicken marinated in pesto, smothered in fresh mozzerella, with sun ripened tomato spread on a crispy whole wheat flatbread. OH. MY. GOSH. SOOOOO good! The combination of the flavors, the textures of the gooey, melty cheese combined with the chicken and the sweet tomato taste. Delish!

The hotel is HUGE, they have lower elevators and upper elevators, the lower ones will take you to the high floors, our room is on the 16th floor, and they have others that take you to the conference center floors. Not quite overwhelmingly huge, but close. This morning I woke up and there was a slight dusting of snow on the ground with flurries coming down. For some reason I was expecting to see more snow here but Im glad there isnt more or else I probably wouldnt want to go outside, since we all know how much I LOOOOVE snow. NOT! The hotel beds arent nearly as comfortable as the hotel we stayed in the night before last when we were in Portland but I guess I shouldnt expect super soft sheets and beyond comfortable pillows everywhere I stay at. Dino, the guy who checked us in at the hotel desk (I remember his name because it was unusual, and he was overly eager and happy to do his job) told us that our room was on the quiet side of the hotel with a pretty good view...HA! hahahaha, well...I guess he had the view thing sort of correct, our view isnt exactly obstructed by another building right in front but he lied about the noise thats for sure. I think we must be near a firehouse or something because last night all I heard were sirens going by, and they just KEPT GOING. Really? I mean really? Were on the quiet side? Im a little skeptical, but I cant complain Im in Chicago and how often am I going to have the opportunity to listen to emergency sirens go off all night?
Im currently sitting in the starbucks located in the lobby of our hotel. Its nice and warm in here and Im seated comfortably in the corner people watching, and let me tell you the poeople watching right now is fantastic!! Im pretty sure that a cleaner, more sober looking Amy Winehouse is sitting in here speaking Italian and is being a serial complainer, pain in the ass customer. First they didnt have the right cinnamon she likes, then her coffee wasnt hot enough, then she wanted her coffee cake warmed up again, and then, and then, and then!? Seriously, maybe if you would have ordered it and asked them the first time instead you keep going back and you are being a serious pain in the ass, can I slap you, even I know when too much complaining is too much. NOW she is telling the barista how she gets kicked out of places because she complains so much, and shes from Turkey. There goes my Amy Winehouse comparison. She is telling the guy how when she orders something that she wants it to be her way and that the service should be spectacular if shes going to pay for it. She goes on....happening now, in real time, I think Im a bad person for eavesdropping but who the hell cares, this is good shit!! "Starbucks is like a drug, an addiction, like cocaine" (exact words, you cant make this shit up people) (I feel like I should revisit my Amy Winehouse theory) Honey, I wouldnt go that far because it is mediocre coffee at best however I appreciate the consistency of ordering a drink and knowing that the drink you order is the drink youre going to get. THEN she left a giant mess on her table and left without cleaning is up, rude! The barista at this starbucks is my new favorite person for the day, very good customer service, despite having to deal with Drama Mama above. Either the prices here are REALLY low, or he really enjoyed conversing with me because I managed to get a grande caramel macchiatto and a coffee cake for $4.50, thank you for conversation about Washington and how pretty you think it is and my inexpensive breakfast. Heres another people watching experiences for you, happened about half an hour ago. A guy dressed very similarly like a bum came in and sat down in every single big comfy chair that is here, except for the one my rear is firmly planted in. The bum look alike came in and proceeded to sit very casually in a big cushy chair, he then discreetly reached his hands down under the cushion...I probably wouldnt have thought twice about it but he then checked every single cushy chair in the shop. Im pretty sure he wasnt just testing the plushness of the seats.
I think thats enough excitement for the day, Ive already managed to iron all of my clothes which if you know anything about me is a BIG accomplishment because I LOOOOVE ironing almost as much as I love snow.
Later my lovelies, Im off to check out the Nordstrom across the street. Im desperately in need of some more moisturizer.