Thursday, June 23, 2011

Coffee want vs need

The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup? Negative. The best part of waking up is hitting the snooze button 5 times before you look at the clock and panic, because unless you can manage to get everything done in 20 minutes, face it- you're going to be late! They don't tell you that in the commercials, instead they try to convince you to buy some shitty ass coffee that will put hair on your chest because its really meant for old men who have lost all of the tastebuds on their tongue. I'm all for a good cup of morning joe, in fact I am a big fan of coffee. But let's be honest here, coffee is only as good as the shit you put in it. I'm talkin candy coffee, heavily laced with milk, some caramel and enough syrup to spike your blood sugar for the next hour and a half before you crash harder than amy winehouses career after last weeks shitteous performance. Yeah, that's the stuff! I enjoy coffee because it does a nice job perking me up but that's just an added bonus. The real reason I drink the shit is because its delicious and it makes me feel calm for the brief time that I am allowed to drink it. For me coffee is about the experience. Its about savoring the rich flavors, the warmth of the drink, the aromatics escaping your cup and the feeling of serenity that you get when you take your first sip. Coffee is comforting, its like your favorite fluffy blanket on a cold day, or a good hug. As much as I appreciate the side effects of feeling perkier after a good latte I hate the jittery part. I hate the feeling of being jittery, and wired beyond control..apparently that happens with caffeine sensitive people, they get wired off of one cup of joe. Ok so what's the point of this blog? Well..this is me and I don't really have one. I was simply sitting in my office which I like to refer to as the batcave, waiting for my coworker to hurry up and get here so we could march on down to the belly of the beast and get a nice warm cup of poo producing coffee. Did I mention that? Coffee makes you poo, which is why I'm convinced that old people are so regular with their morning poo, because their cup of tar or folgers as the commercials call it has made them that way. Only, she got here late and by then I decided I didn't really need a coffee today, I only wanted one. Isn't that how it goes though? Do you really need coffee or is it more of a want? Let's be real for a minute if you're going to drop 4 bones on a cup of coffee is it because you need it or because you just really want it and want the comfort that its going to give you? Maybe that's just me, I drink it for the experience and not because I need it. Although...there are days when I need a good strong latte to keep me from falling asleep in the batcave, which mostly happen on slow days that seem to always follow long nights out the night before. I don't have an addictive personality so if I wanted to lay off the sauce I could, but that would mean that my "couple times weekly" jaunt down to the coffee shop would be gone, which would therefore lower my vitamin d intake, which we all know I need because I'm a pasty white girl living in the pnw. I don't think I even need to mention that I'm all for supporting the local coffee owners efforts to provide me with a good cup of creamy goodness. I can rationalize anything!!....but that's for another post on another day when I'm not daydreaming of shemar moore....errrr...I mean, a good creamy, sugary laden cup of joe.

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Wednesday, June 22, 2011


I am a sparkle whore!!!!! I like sparkles, but not in a smells like vanilla and has glitter on her tits kind of whore. I like sparkles in a classy, blingy, pretty kind of way. The kind of sparkles that you can wear to work, out on the town, around the house but wont make people think you're a Vegas showgirl in training. I have a love of sparkly things and I'm not afraid to show it. Sparkly tops, scarves, hats, jeans, dresses, shoes, you name it! If it can be bedazzled with a sequin or a rhinestone chances are I've got my eyes on it. I'm like a crow as my mom likes to call me. If it sparkles or reflects a decent amount of light I am on it. To me there is something special about shiny, pretty objects; they make me feel glamorous. And boy do I love to feel glamorous! I think that's why I get along so well with the gays, because they like to feel pretty and I like to feel pretty, and we both like to tell each other how pretty we are. A few months ago my friends and I had a "sparkle party", our inspiration came from the YouTube video "German sparkle party" if you haven't seen it, YouTube it asap! Don't worry, I'll wait....Anyways, we decided to have a sparkle party because, well, that's just how we roll. We like a good excuse to get all dressed up and drink like champs, so we had a good old fashioned sparkle party. Its been almost 5 months since the party and I am literally looking for any excuse just to wear my head to knee, gold sequined dress and glittery shoes again. SOMEBODY PLEASE HAVE A SPARKLE PARTY!...and invite me. This weekend is the Seattle Pride festival and me and my gays are going out on Saturday night to tear up the Hill, which really means were going to dress up like classy whores and drink ourselves stupid with fruity drinks. I considered wearing my little gold number but I'm thinking it might be a bit much and I don't exactly want people to think I'm a drag queen because well...its something a drag queen would rock the shit out of. So now I have to find something to wear that is not only fabulous but has a little sparkle to it because that's just how I get down, I need sparkle in my life. Do I wear a plain dress and bust out the gold, glittery, fuck me shoes from hell? Or do I go for something a little lower, more comfortable and not quite as "LOOK AT ME!!!"....Gold it is!! haha, I'm so glad you're with me on that one. Any excuse to wear shoes that I paid way too much for and have only worn once. Don't judge me, its all in the name of love...for the love of sparkles!! So what I'm hoping is that I am able to find something that is equally as fabulous as the gold dress, and one that will compliment my shoes and show off my lovely soon to be very tan legs (self tanner) and make me look FABulous!! I'm not hoping for a miracle, just a little good luck. :) Anyways I'm off to go look at shiny, sparkly objects and use ADD as an excuse to get sidetracked because I'm too busy looking at the reflective qualities of sparkly baubles.

In case you were wondering what the gold dress and glittery, fuck me shoes from hell look like....

Saturday, June 11, 2011

My love hate relationship with food

I love food. I really, really love food. I also hate food. I am one of those people that never really grew out of their childhood pickyness. Yep that's me, I'm the weirdo that instead of growing out of it, what do ya know I grew into it!!! AHHH!! No joke! I am the pickiest eater that I know. The list of things that I do not eat is so long its slightly ridiculous and irritating as well. I mean really, who gets irritated by their own eating habits and constraints that they have built up around food? This girl!!
I also have a lot of weird habits that I've picked up that go along with how I eat food as well. For example, every bite needs to taste the same, and the most perfect bite needs to be saved for last or next to last. If you serve sour cream and guacamole with say a chimichanga, I'm the person that needs equal parts guac and sour cream with each bite of chimi. Even something easy like Teriyaki I make complicated. I prefer all of the chicken to be cut up and mixed in with the rice with an equal amount of extra teriyaki sauce added in so each bite tastes the same. How about sandwiches, burgers, wraps, etc. If I order a burger or a sandwich as soon as I get it I have to take it apart and rearrange the contents to my liking so that each bite is the same. I don't know where I picked up this habit from but I do remember my friends making fun of me in high school for this little ocd. I don't eat beef, I haven't eaten it for about 11 years and you know I don't miss it. The thing I do miss is from my beef eatings days are when I would go to a BBQ. There was always something for me to eat, now when I go, if beef is the only option then I end up being hungry. One thing that is really irritating for me is when I am invited over for dinner someplace and they prepared something that I don't eat, its irritating because I always feel weird. I always try to politely decline and I am gracious about it, and i will sometimes make up an excuse like "I'm still full from lunch" or something, because its usually awkward for me and the other person. I feel bad for not wanting their food, and they feel weird because I'm the jerk saying "no your food isn't good enough for me to put in my mouth, digest, and poo out later". Its not that I don't like their food, i mean I don't, but its nothing personal against them, I'm just picky. I'm also not the type of person to make requests when somebody invites me over, "yes can you make sure you don't make anything on this list" as I hand over a laundry list of foods that most people actually enjoy eating. And I',m definitely not the person that is going to say no I dont want to come over because I dont think youre going to make something I will like, because thats just mean! I also dont want my friends or anybody for that matter stressing out about what I do and dont eat when they are thinking about making me something, just make it! If I dont like it I will find something I do like and Ill eat that portion of it, no worries, Im an adapter.
So what do I eat? A lot of stuff actually. I really do enjoy food. I happen to have a very plain pallet when it comes to the foods that I eat. My dad is a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy and my mom is a "the complicated the better" kind of girl. I get my plane janeness from my dad. I blame him for my sweet tooth, I blame him for the reason I don't like spicy food, I blame him for my simple palate, because lets be honest here none of my eating habits are my own fault. hahaha. So how did I end up disliking so many foods when one of my parents is a food exhibitionist? Don't ask me!! I'm the victim here! I'm sure my mom wants to know as well because apparently I wasn't nearly this picky when I was little, but once I started wearing big girl panties I started throwing big girl food fits. Which leads me to where I am now, at a constant war with foods that I do and do not like.
My friends make fun of me and call me weird because I'm "too picky". I don't eat turkey at thanksgiving, this is normal for me, I simply prefer ham. I have a friend that is constantly harping about how I've probably just never had it made a good way. Nope, doesn't matter how its made I just plain don't like it. Even though I eat turkey lunch meat, I don't eat the bird turkey if its on the table for a holiday, or if it came to the house in the shape of a bird. Same with stuffing and coleslaw, Ive never been a fan of either. It doesn't matter how its prepared I just don't eat them because I don't like them, its nothing against you and your culinary prowess its the food, not you I swear. I'm a texture person and neither of those appeal to my palate in terms of texture. I don't care if you are Bobby Fuckin Flay in the kitchen and you make a coleslaw, I'm not eating it. Sorry charlie its just not for me.
Ok so you know I don't eat beef, no bird turkeys, coleslaw or stuffing I bet you are just DYING to know what else I don't like aren't you? Hahahaha. I knew it!! Well, I don't eat cooked vegetables unless it is corn, beans or peas. I don't count potatoes as a vegetable, because I'm weird like that. I like vegetables, the few of them that I do eat, but I will only eat them raw because I don't like them cooked. Again, its a texture thing and I don't expect you to understand. I like broccoli and cauliflower, nope not steamed with cheese, I prefer it raw and with ranch. Actually I prefer a little broccoli and cauliflower with my ranch dressing is more like it. But I cant stop there, I don't eat the whole piece of this particular vegetable I only eat the top. Yes, that's right folks, I only eat the little balls off the top of the broccoli tree and the fluffy white clouds from the top of the cauliflower....after its been covered in ranch. I don't eat celery unless it has peanut butter on it, otherwise its not on the menu. I don't eat any of the fungi, they have a weird wait for it....texture. and they smell funny. I do like peas though! Go me! There's something I like that a lot of people don't, and guess what my favorite soup is! If you guessed split pea you are a winner!.. but not in the Charlie Sheen kind of way. One thing I have noticed is that the produce section of the store is very large and has quite an abundant variety of vegetables, but this is me were talking about and no matter how many options there are, I still only buy/eat cucumbers, carrots, lettuces, sometimes celery (if I'm craving peanut butter), broccoli, cauliflower, corn and sometimes those little snap pea things-I'm still trying to make myself like those things. I only eat these things raw though, you wont catch me eating them cooked, unless its corn. Here's another weird one for ya, I'm on a roll now! I don't like fresh green beans and peas, I prefer them from the can. *gasp* oh no she didn't just say she prefers a veggie from a can!! *head nod* I know, sad right?
Lets go back to the meats I don't eat. So we already covered that beef is not on the menu, well lets talk about what is on the menu when it comes to meat. I like fish, shrimp, crab, chicken, pork, and turkey (but not the bird turkey) and that's about it. I don't eat hot dogs, or weird sausages (by weird I mean it has beef in it), pepperoni (unless its turkey), and the only wurst i eat is bratwurst as long as its pork only. Which I find very interesting because when I was younger I used to love eating liverwurst and crackers with my grandma, just something about the taste and the smell, mmmm, but you wont catch me near that stuff now! Now that I know what its made of.
I don't like spicy, I dont like ethnic foods, I do like flavor but I don't like heat. I like fresh, I like crisp, I like appealing textures not mushy, mealy, or anything with a snot like consistency-like flan and creme brulee-Yeck! I like pie, but not the crust. I like salsa but not chunky salsa because I don't want to chew my tomatoes, I prefer them itty bitty and just shy of pureed. I like ketchup and ranch on almost anything but I don't like mustard. I like mayo and hate miracle whip. I don't like foods that have a very strong odor, like curry or cajun stuff. I love fruit, almost any fruit except for the melon family because I hate melons except for the famous pink one that starts with a W. I love cheese, all sorts of cheese. I like eggs now, I went through a phase where I couldn't eat them at all but now i like them again, but only scrambled or deviled (but I have to make it because I want to know whats in it), unless I put them in "eggs in a basket" which is the only time a runny egg is acceptable. I don't eat other peoples potato salad, they put too many weird things in it like celery, sometimes relish and those damned chopped onions, and a lot of the times its too sweet. I prefer a saltier potato salad heavy on the pickles, olives, and mustard. I only like cashews, almonds, peanuts and sometimes a macadamia nut if its in a cookie, the rest you will not find in any recipe or mix of mine.
I also have issues with eating foods by the date that's stamped on the package. I know, I know the date doesn't mean that you HAVE to eat them by this, it does, at least to me it does. I wont drink milk, eat yogurt, cheese or any other dairy product after the date that is stamped on the package. I cant do it, it makes me gag.
So these are my brain droppings for the evening, I hope I didn't scare any of you off. I cant help it, this is who I am. I'm weird, I know this, but I'm OK with it. But I will admit that even I annoy myself with how many constraints and rules I put on food about stuff I do and don't like. Its hard to keep up with all of the things I don't like, which is why I tend to remember only the things I do like. I feel like were all a little picky deep down, and some people are even over the top, but me well...I'm just slightly difficult.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Who are you?

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." ~Oscar Wilde
Who are you? Who am I? This is such a hard question to ask. I feel like no matter how sure of yourself you are there is always some inkling of doubt as to who you really are deep down. All of us have things that we keep hidden from others but why? What is it about our inner selves that make us feel like we can't share our thoughts or beliefs? Are they really that different or are they just uncomfortable? I'm not a big fan of feeling uncomfortable but for the past year I've been trying to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. I've been trying to call myself out and make myself uncomfortable so that I can better understand how I work and why I feel the way I do. I have been challenging myself to be more confrontational and say exactly what's on my mind at that time. I've been challenging myself to be more open and more direct, I've also been talking about my feelings more and that is something I don't do because I don't necessarily understand them. What I've gotten from this is that I feel like I've grown a lot this past year because I have done some challenging things and made myself uncomfortable. Everyday I learn something new about myself, what I do and don't like and what I need. Today I learned about my lack of cultural identity which was very hard for me to understand at first. I was given some clarification and I feel like by understanding my personal culture I will be able to understand more about myself and why I have some of the beliefs that I have. Cheers to the long road of personal growth and understanding, and creating your own self help because you are comfortable being uncomfortable.
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