I love food. I really, really love food. I also hate food. I am one of those people that never really grew out of their childhood pickyness. Yep that's me, I'm the weirdo that instead of growing out of it, what do ya know I grew into it!!! AHHH!! No joke! I am the pickiest eater that I know. The list of things that I do not eat is so long its slightly ridiculous and irritating as well. I mean really, who gets irritated by their own eating habits and constraints that they have built up around food? This girl!!
I also have a lot of weird habits that I've picked up that go along with how I eat food as well. For example, every bite needs to taste the same, and the most perfect bite needs to be saved for last or next to last. If you serve sour cream and guacamole with say a chimichanga, I'm the person that needs equal parts guac and sour cream with each bite of chimi. Even something easy like Teriyaki I make complicated. I prefer all of the chicken to be cut up and mixed in with the rice with an equal amount of extra teriyaki sauce added in so each bite tastes the same. How about sandwiches, burgers, wraps, etc. If I order a burger or a sandwich as soon as I get it I have to take it apart and rearrange the contents to my liking so that each bite is the same. I don't know where I picked up this habit from but I do remember my friends making fun of me in high school for this little ocd. I don't eat beef, I haven't eaten it for about 11 years and you know I don't miss it. The thing I do miss is from my beef eatings days are when I would go to a BBQ. There was always something for me to eat, now when I go, if beef is the only option then I end up being hungry. One thing that is really irritating for me is when I am invited over for dinner someplace and they prepared something that I don't eat, its irritating because I always feel weird. I always try to politely decline and I am gracious about it, and i will sometimes make up an excuse like "I'm still full from lunch" or something, because its usually awkward for me and the other person. I feel bad for not wanting their food, and they feel weird because I'm the jerk saying "no your food isn't good enough for me to put in my mouth, digest, and poo out later". Its not that I don't like their food, i mean I don't, but its nothing personal against them, I'm just picky. I'm also not the type of person to make requests when somebody invites me over, "yes can you make sure you don't make anything on this list" as I hand over a laundry list of foods that most people actually enjoy eating. And I',m definitely not the person that is going to say no I dont want to come over because I dont think youre going to make something I will like, because thats just mean! I also dont want my friends or anybody for that matter stressing out about what I do and dont eat when they are thinking about making me something, just make it! If I dont like it I will find something I do like and Ill eat that portion of it, no worries, Im an adapter.
So what do I eat? A lot of stuff actually. I really do enjoy food. I happen to have a very plain pallet when it comes to the foods that I eat. My dad is a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy and my mom is a "the complicated the better" kind of girl. I get my plane janeness from my dad. I blame him for my sweet tooth, I blame him for the reason I don't like spicy food, I blame him for my simple palate, because lets be honest here none of my eating habits are my own fault. hahaha. So how did I end up disliking so many foods when one of my parents is a food exhibitionist? Don't ask me!! I'm the victim here! I'm sure my mom wants to know as well because apparently I wasn't nearly this picky when I was little, but once I started wearing big girl panties I started throwing big girl food fits. Which leads me to where I am now, at a constant war with foods that I do and do not like.
My friends make fun of me and call me weird because I'm "too picky". I don't eat turkey at thanksgiving, this is normal for me, I simply prefer ham. I have a friend that is constantly harping about how I've probably just never had it made a good way. Nope, doesn't matter how its made I just plain don't like it. Even though I eat turkey lunch meat, I don't eat the bird turkey if its on the table for a holiday, or if it came to the house in the shape of a bird. Same with stuffing and coleslaw, Ive never been a fan of either. It doesn't matter how its prepared I just don't eat them because I don't like them, its nothing against you and your culinary prowess its the food, not you I swear. I'm a texture person and neither of those appeal to my palate in terms of texture. I don't care if you are Bobby Fuckin Flay in the kitchen and you make a BOMB.com coleslaw, I'm not eating it. Sorry charlie its just not for me.
Ok so you know I don't eat beef, no bird turkeys, coleslaw or stuffing I bet you are just DYING to know what else I don't like aren't you? Hahahaha. I knew it!! Well, I don't eat cooked vegetables unless it is corn, beans or peas. I don't count potatoes as a vegetable, because I'm weird like that. I like vegetables, the few of them that I do eat, but I will only eat them raw because I don't like them cooked. Again, its a texture thing and I don't expect you to understand. I like broccoli and cauliflower, nope not steamed with cheese, I prefer it raw and with ranch. Actually I prefer a little broccoli and cauliflower with my ranch dressing is more like it. But I cant stop there, I don't eat the whole piece of this particular vegetable I only eat the top. Yes, that's right folks, I only eat the little balls off the top of the broccoli tree and the fluffy white clouds from the top of the cauliflower....after its been covered in ranch. I don't eat celery unless it has peanut butter on it, otherwise its not on the menu. I don't eat any of the fungi, they have a weird wait for it....texture. and they smell funny. I do like peas though! Go me! There's something I like that a lot of people don't, and guess what my favorite soup is! If you guessed split pea you are a winner!.. but not in the Charlie Sheen kind of way. One thing I have noticed is that the produce section of the store is very large and has quite an abundant variety of vegetables, but this is me were talking about and no matter how many options there are, I still only buy/eat cucumbers, carrots, lettuces, sometimes celery (if I'm craving peanut butter), broccoli, cauliflower, corn and sometimes those little snap pea things-I'm still trying to make myself like those things. I only eat these things raw though, you wont catch me eating them cooked, unless its corn. Here's another weird one for ya, I'm on a roll now! I don't like fresh green beans and peas, I prefer them from the can. *gasp* oh no she didn't just say she prefers a veggie from a can!! *head nod* I know, sad right?
Lets go back to the meats I don't eat. So we already covered that beef is not on the menu, well lets talk about what is on the menu when it comes to meat. I like fish, shrimp, crab, chicken, pork, and turkey (but not the bird turkey) and that's about it. I don't eat hot dogs, or weird sausages (by weird I mean it has beef in it), pepperoni (unless its turkey), and the only wurst i eat is bratwurst as long as its pork only. Which I find very interesting because when I was younger I used to love eating liverwurst and crackers with my grandma, just something about the taste and the smell, mmmm, but you wont catch me near that stuff now! Now that I know what its made of.
I don't like spicy, I dont like ethnic foods, I do like flavor but I don't like heat. I like fresh, I like crisp, I like appealing textures not mushy, mealy, or anything with a snot like consistency-like flan and creme brulee-Yeck! I like pie, but not the crust. I like salsa but not chunky salsa because I don't want to chew my tomatoes, I prefer them itty bitty and just shy of pureed. I like ketchup and ranch on almost anything but I don't like mustard. I like mayo and hate miracle whip. I don't like foods that have a very strong odor, like curry or cajun stuff. I love fruit, almost any fruit except for the melon family because I hate melons except for the famous pink one that starts with a W. I love cheese, all sorts of cheese. I like eggs now, I went through a phase where I couldn't eat them at all but now i like them again, but only scrambled or deviled (but I have to make it because I want to know whats in it), unless I put them in "eggs in a basket" which is the only time a runny egg is acceptable. I don't eat other peoples potato salad, they put too many weird things in it like celery, sometimes relish and those damned chopped onions, and a lot of the times its too sweet. I prefer a saltier potato salad heavy on the pickles, olives, and mustard. I only like cashews, almonds, peanuts and sometimes a macadamia nut if its in a cookie, the rest you will not find in any recipe or mix of mine.
I also have issues with eating foods by the date that's stamped on the package. I know, I know the date doesn't mean that you HAVE to eat them by this date...no, it does, at least to me it does. I wont drink milk, eat yogurt, cheese or any other dairy product after the date that is stamped on the package. I cant do it, it makes me gag.
So these are my brain droppings for the evening, I hope I didn't scare any of you off. I cant help it, this is who I am. I'm weird, I know this, but I'm OK with it. But I will admit that even I annoy myself with how many constraints and rules I put on food about stuff I do and don't like. Its hard to keep up with all of the things I don't like, which is why I tend to remember only the things I do like. I feel like were all a little picky deep down, and some people are even over the top, but me well...I'm just slightly difficult.
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